Arranging a funeral yourselves

Most people who choose to organise their baby’s funeral themselves enlist the help of a funeral director. However, if you wish, it is possible to arrange the funeral entirely on your own. Information on both of these options can be found below.

With the Help of a Funeral Director

Your first step is to select a funeral director. You may be able to find information about local firms through the hospital or from family members or friends. Alternatively, you could ask your local SANDS group or contact for a recommendation. There are professional bodies that oversee the funeral industry and it is a good idea to select a firm that belongs to one of these organisations. These organisations are The National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), the Funeral Standards Council (FSC) and the Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF). The funeral director will need a Certificate for Burial or Cremation (green certificate) given to you when you registered your baby’s death or stillbirth.

The funeral director will work closely with you in order to arrange the kind of funeral you would like for your baby. The National Association of Funeral Directors website, http://www.nafd.org.uk/arrangingfuneral.html, provides information about the different ways in which a funeral director can help you. This list is comprehensive and you may not need all of these services. Perhaps the funeral is to be a simple one or you may wish to take on some of the duties yourselves. Another website that includes helpful information about the roles and responsibilities of the funeral director is A Quiet Funeral found at http://members.lycos.co.uk/funeral/a_quiet_funeral.htm

Once you have chosen a funeral director, there are certain decisions that you will need to make. You will need to decide:

• Whether you want your baby buried or cremated
• When the funeral will take place
• Where it will take place

Once these first decisions have been made, you can give time to deciding exactly how you would like the funeral to be organised. More detailed information about making these decisions and arranging the funeral service can be found in the Planning the Funeral Service section.

Without the Help of a Funeral Director

If you feel that it is important to you to organise a funeral entirely by yourselves, without enlisting the help of funeral director, this is possible. It does, however, take a great deal of energy, commitment and organisation. If you wish to find out more about what is involved, contact the Natural Death Centre (for details see Contacts section). A staff member from this non-profit organisation will talk you through the different steps involved.

This organisation also publishes The Natural Death Handbook which gives a great deal of information about organising a funeral without a funeral director. However, the information given is very detailed and may be harrowing to read.