“Joseph was buried dressed
in an outfit my Mum had bought when I was thirty four weeks. He was wrapped
in a hand crocheted shawl, a gift from a friend, and with him was placed
the small blue bunny rabbit I’d bought when I’d last visited
Mothercare…With him also are two red roses from his dad and me.
These we threw after he had been lowered into the ground and are a symbol
of our love that will stay with him always.” (Caroline )
Documentation
There are some documents and forms that you will need to fill out if you
make the decision to have your baby buried. The Registrar will provide
a certificate for burial or cremation when your baby is registered. This
is also called a “green” certificate and should be passed
to your funeral director. If your baby was under 24 weeks old, you will
need a note from your doctor or a certificate from the hospital.
The documentation must then be passed on to the church or cemetery officials
in order for the burial to take place. You will also need to fill out
an application form for burial in a cemetery. Your funeral director will
help you to complete the necessary paperwork correctly.
Deciding Where the Burial Should Take Place
Most burials take place within a churchyard or municipal cemetery. However,
there are other choices open to you. There is growing interest in natural
burials also called “green” or woodland burials and it is
also possible to have your baby buried on your own land. Information on
these alternatives can be found below.
Churchyards
Some churchyards, particularly in urban areas, are now full and are not
able to accommodate new burials, although some will allow the burial of
a small casket of ashes with a plaque. Other churches have new burial
grounds situated away from the church. If you would like your baby to
be buried in the churchyard of your local church, or in another churchyard
that has special significance for you, contact the incumbent – the
vicar, rector, or priest in charge - to make your request. You may want
to check into restrictions on the type of memorials and headstones that
can be placed in the churchyard, as there may be quite rigid regulations.
You may wish to hold the funeral service in the church or at the graveside
but, if you choose, the service can be held elsewhere.
Municipal Cemeteries
Municipal cemeteries are run by district, parish or borough councils.
Some municipal burial grounds are consecrated, some have consecrated and
non-consecrated areas, others have areas of ground set aside for specific
religious groups. Many have special areas reserved for babies and small
children. It may be possible to reserve grave space next to your baby
in some of these cemeteries if this is important to you. There may be
restrictions on the type of memorial or headstone you can put up. If you
have employed a funeral director he or she may be able to advise you on
this, or you can contact the cemetery authority directly. Most municipal
cemeteries in England and Wales have a cemetery chapel where a service,
either religious or secular, can be held, although some of these chapels
are in a poor state of repair. You may choose to use the chapel or you
may wish to hold the service elsewhere. There are few cemetery chapels
in Scotland.
“It helped so much having a funeral and
having somewhere to visit Lauren. There’s a stillbirth section in
the cemetery that SANDS set up about four years ago.” (Claire)
Natural Burial Grounds
There are alternatives to burial in a churchyard or municipal cemetery.
There are now over 100 natural burial grounds located around the United
Kingdom. The term natural burial ground usually refers to a woodland,
meadowland, or nature reserve site. Local councils run many of these sites,
while others are commercial enterprises run by private individuals or
non-commercial sites run by wildlife charities. Some have consecrated
and non-consecrated areas. Some are in a place of natural beauty or in
mature woodland while others are in what are currently just bare fields.
Traditional stone memorials or plaques are normally not allowed but sometimes
each grave is marked with a newly-planted tree. Sometimes a simple name
plaque can be attached to the tree. Natural burials can be organised by
a funeral director and some specialise in this type of funeral. Where
a private company owns a natural burial ground, funeral services may be
offered as well. Generally these companies tend to promote simple, eco-friendly
funerals and less formal services.
The Natural Death Centre established The Association of Natural Burial
Grounds in 1994 and can provide you with a list of natural burial grounds
around the country. Please see the resources section for contact details.
If you would like to read more about the Association you can do so through
the Natural Death Centre website page http://www.naturaldeath.org.uk/NaturalBurialGrounds.htm
.
Burial on Private Land
There is no law to prevent you from burying your baby on private land,
perhaps land owned by yourself, a family member or a friend. However,
it is advisable to contact relevant authorities such as the Environment
Agency or the local council. These authorities may give recommendations
about where and how the burial should take place. If you would like to
find out more you could look at the “If I Should Die” website
at http://www.ifishoulddie.co.uk/alternative_burials.htm
or contact the Natural Death Centre.
Making the Burial Special
If you choose to have your baby buried, you may wish to include some
personal belongings inside the coffin. Some parents put in family photographs,
letters or poems. You might want your baby to be dressed in a special
outfit – perhaps one that is handmade or one that you selected during
your pregnancy – and wrapped in a blanket or quilt. You may have
a toy that you would like to include, either one that you bought during
the pregnancy or one that has been passed down through your family. Some
parents have a set of rings made – one is placed on their baby’s
finger and they keep one each for themselves. You may like to place flowers
on top of the coffin.
“We put yellow rosebuds on Jonathan’s
coffin as we felt they expressed something of who he was ... he was bright,
crisp, rare.” (Karen )
Ownership of the Grave
It is important to understand that, in some cases, you will not actually
own the grave in which your baby is buried. You may be able to obtain
the exclusive right of burial in that plot for a certain amount of time
(in a municipal cemetery this tends to be granted for 50,75 or 100 years).
This means that no one else can be buried in that plot without your permission
and that your baby cannot be moved and reburied for that period of time.
You can check the terms under which the grave will be used by asking your
funeral director or contacting the relevant burial authority directly.
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