Shared experiences

Very many thanks to all the parents, siblings, families and friends, who have allowed us to share their experiences on this site.

OLIVIA

My name is Laura and I am a Midwife at Worcestershire Royal Hospital . My husband and I lost our baby daughter Olivia Rachel in June 2004,, at 32 weeks gestation my first pregnancy. I'd had a worrying pregnancy as my baby appeared small on scans so I was scanned regularly in the Fetal Medicine Unit in Birmingham as well as having various other tests. We had decided as a couple to decline fetal anomaly screening as we felt it unnecessary we would love and accept our child whatever.

At thirty two weeks, I attended my local hospital for a scan, as I had been discharged by the fetal medicine unit as they believed everything to be alright and I was just going to have a small baby. At the scan it was found that the blood flow to the baby via the placenta was poor and experiencing difficulties- I was seen by my consultant and admitted to the hospital I worked at.

I was monitored and received steroid injections, it was decided that I would be delivered th following morning if the scan still revealed poor flow. It was a very worrying night, however as I worked in the field and was surrounded by colleagues/ friends who I knew and trusted I believed as much as I could that everything would be ok. I had delivered other women's babies myself at 29 weeks and also cared for a number of others whose babies had been born early but were cared for in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and progressed well.

The following morning the scan showed that blood flow had improved but the placenta was struggling- so the decision was made between the consultant, myself and my husband for me to have the baby delivered by Caesarean section. I received the optimum care and Jamie, my husband was there to support me throughout as well as a number of colleagues peering through the door excitedly awaiting our new arrival.

Olivia was born at 15:41, and it was obvious from the outset that she was very small and appeared to look like a baby of 28 weeks.There was a cheer from outside the theatre as they were told the news. I heard her make a little whimper, I was so overwhelmed that I had had a girl, I was convinced it was  going to be a boy. She was alloweda quick cuddle with Jamie and a kiss from me before being taken to the NICU.

Initially, she was breathing well with a bit of assistance however, she deteriorated and was put on a ventilator. Due to having a caesarean I didn't get to see her till later that evening- when I did I couldn't believe how small but perfectly beautiful she looked, I couldn't believe she was ours?! Over the next twenty four hours the doctors discovered that Olivia had a number of problems that were causing her difficulty the most serious being the immaturity of her lungs, which weren't responding to treatment. She was diagnosed as having Edwards Syndrome, a chromosomal problem more common in girls but affecting only 1:4000 pregnancies on average. The syndrome has a poor prognosis with most babies surviving for less than a year. We were so pleased to have a baby we just couldn't take this news in. Olivia was very poorly but made comfortable by the staff and we sat with her day and night overwhelmed by her beauty.

Sadly when she was just two days old Olivia lost her battle and passed away peacefully in my arms. She had battled through the pregnancy and allowed us the privilidge to meet her and hold her- the most precious moments we will never forget.

Everyone around us has provided us with so much love and care, but unfortunately no one has the answers as to why this happened to our little girl. As a midwife I knew all the possibilities of what could go wrong in pregnancy and had worried so much, however after all the scans I had started to believe that everything would be fine. Itr seems so cruel to go through pregnancy and feel your baby move and grow inside you then have the shortest of times to nurture her and be her parents.

I miss her dreadfully and think about her constantly, picturing her growing, pushing her in her pram- what I wa so looking forward to, showing my girl off to the world so proudly. Now I show her pictures to everyone who asks and try very hard to celebrate her every day, our beautiful daughter who lives on in our hearts forever.    My husband is concentrating his efforts on arranging a charity football match to raise funds for the Neonatal Unit and for SANDS, in memory of Olivia. I am thinking of returning to work in October, I'm not looking forward to it but since I know the strength of love and support I will be shown by my friends and colleagues I know I'll be ok. I hope my experience will help when I care for women who suffer a loss of their baby, nothing can prepare you but you must celebrate their birth every day and how lucky you are to be their parents, for that you shall be always.

Many thanks for the support I have found visiting your website and reading similar stories of loss and how happiness can be found.

Laura