Shared experiences

Very many thanks to all the parents, siblings, families and friends, who have allowed us to share their experiences on this site.

Marie's story

Marie's twins were born prematurely at 18 weeks in 2001. One baby lived for 1 hour, 40 mins; the other for 1 hour 36 mins. At the time of their births Marie was told that the babies were both boys. She registered their births and deaths and arranged a funeral service.

6 weeks later she received the results of their post mortems. She was shocked to discover that the babies were both girls, and that the information she had at their birth was wrong. She went through the complex and painful process of re-registering her children as girls, renaming them Rhiann and Iona. This was only part of the difficulties Marie continues to struggle with in adjusting to this change in her children's identities and all the hurt and pain this additional blow has brought to her bereavement.

Marie wanted to share her experience so that other parents who have had the same experience would know that they are not alone. She still finds it too hard to write down her story, but has written some poems about her response to this difficult time.

If anyone would like to get in touch with Marie to share their story she would like to hear from them. We will be happy to forward any letters, which should be sent c/o Janet Scott, to SANDS Head Office.

Marie wrote these poems about her babies:

Why?

I think about it daily and I can tell no lies
I think about the girls I lost and how I mourned for boys
I thin about the mistake they made and all that they have said
I think about this all the time and it's swimming round my head.

I wish I could forgive them for all that they have done
But how do I mourn for daughters when they said that I had sons
They say that time's a healer but how long will it take
To justify and heal such a big mistake?

The tears a getting fewer as each day passes by
But still I'd like an answer to my question which is Why?

Smile

I sit alone and watch the stars
And smile because that's where you are.

I think about you all the time
And smile because I knew you were mine.

If only brief, just a little while
I think about you and have to smile.

I love and miss you in every way
And smile a little every day.

The time was wrong, not right at all
But the Lord above has made his call.

So I sit alone and watch the start
And smile because that's where you are.