Shared experiences

Very many thanks to all the parents, siblings, families and friends, who have allowed us to share their experiences on this site.

Luke Christopher's story

We were delighted to find out I was pregnant, more or less exactly one year after having an ectopic pregnancy. The ectopic pregnancy was unplanned but this one was very much planned and very much wanted.

The pregnancy went fine until the 20 th week scan. Dating scans at 13 weeks are not offered in our part of the country. The 20 week scan revealed only a single umbilical artery and a dysfunctional cystic kidney on the left. However nobody in the medical team seemed unduly worried. They said it was a good prognosis and that they would just monitor the growth and make sure the other kidney was OK.

At about 21 weeks I suffered a bout of pancreatitis but everything seems OK with our baby. I distinctly remember the midwife chasing him round my stomach listening to the heartbeat whilst he kicked at her presses on my stomach. Having seen a paediatrician we were told our little one would be monitored for a while after being born to make sure he was feeding and that living with one kidney is not as uncommon as you might think.

Up to 28 weeks I was being scanned every four weeks. At 28 weeks I was found to have the upper acceptable limit of amniotic fluid so it was decided to scan every 2 weeks. Next scan the fluid had gone down a bit. I found the whole business of having scans and trying to maintain a full time job extremely stressful but we pulled together as a couple and to get through the stress.

In amongst all this we decided to sell our house and buy a bigger family home for all the children we wanted to have. We found a beautiful house, but something in my mind wasn't allowing me to be too happy about it. I had an intuitive feeling that if I was too happy something would go wrong. It turned out that these bad feelings, like an impending sense of doom, did not relate to the house but to the worst experience of our lives.

I called in sick to work on the morning of my 32 weeks scan. I was completely drained. I met my partner and we made our way to the hospital. Usually when I had had a scan our baby would kick like crazy. He obviously didn't like them! This time there was no kicking but I thought he was asleep. I even said this to the sonographer. There was no sound from the Doppler listening for the blood flow through the placenta so the sonographer told us to wait in the waiting room and we would try a different machine.

When we were called in again there was a second sonographer there. She took over and tried again. I looked at her and thought, why does she look like she's going to cry? Her next words were, “I'm sorry but I can't find anything. I can't find a heartbeat, movements, nothing.” I don't remember much, but I didn't understand what was going on. My partner was in tears and then the sonographers just seemed to leave the room. Actually they had gone to get the consultant. There was no malice in what they were doing but it's all a blurry to me. I was just numb.

By the time the consultant arrived I was crying too. He held my hand and told us what had to happen. I said I didn't want to be touched and eventually I agreed for him to confirm the death of our baby lying on my side so I didn't have to look at the screen. After this we were ushered out and I was given tablets to take, then sent home for two days before coming back for an induction of labour.

Those two days were the worst of our lives I would say. The grandparents had bought and knitted clothes for our son so we decided we would have him dressed in these after he was born, so that he could gain comfort, love and warmth from the family. The aunties and uncles bought toys for him and we bought him a little Winnie the Pooh blanket to take to heaven. So we spent those two days with the family and preparing for the birth.

On the Friday morning I went back to the labour ward. We were given a special room at the end of the ward where my partner could stay as well. I cannot find fault with any of the care we received. Many of the staff went beyond the call of duty and all were very kind and understanding. We appreciate every single one of them.

I don't know how I got through the ordeal of the labour but I just felt I had to keep going. I was extremely feverish and had pains in my kidneys and in amongst three epidurals I had a dural tap. At one point the medical team were uttering ‘emergency caesarean' but fortunately on the third day my waters broke and I delivered a stillborn baby boy at 1:07pm.

We asked not to see him straight after the birth but for him to be washed and dressed and given to us afterwards. At about 2:30 the chaplain arrived and Luke was brought to us by my midwife. Luke was dressed in the clothes from his grandparents and had our little toys with him around the Moses basket. We spent a short time alone with him and that was our goodbye.

After going home the next day I developed a severe headache following on from the dural tap and had to be readmitted for a blood patch. I had asked for a different room on the ward that time, but I remember lying in bed listening to someone in the next room giving birth. I can even remember the champagne cork popping afterwards. Life is so cruel.

The post-mortem revealed further abnormalities but it doesn't provide any justice to me. I just want my baby.

Jenny