Shared experiences

Very many thanks to all the parents, siblings, families and friends, who have allowed us to share their experiences on this site.

KELSEY MARIE

We were absolutely thrilled when I got a positive test after our sixth attempt at infertility treatment. At ten weeks I was diagnosed with Group B Strep and was told it would not cause a problem until the time of delivery.

At twenty two and a half weeks I was rushed to hospital and told that I was twenty five centimetres dilated and my membranes were bulging (probably due to the Strep B). All our dreams seemed to be slipping away. However a cervical stitch was put in the next morning and our hopes were raised again.

I was then taken to the maternity ward. This was awful as I was trying desperately to hold on to my baby who had no chance of survival if born this early, and everyone else seemed to have a healthy full term baby. Within forty eight hours I was three centimetres dilated again and nothing else could be done except hope and pray (I’m not very religious but I can tell you I prayed so hard).

We were on a roller coaster ride for week. One consultant said that it was a hopeless situation and we should take the stitch out and let labour start. We were at our lowest point then I think. We did consider this but decided that we would regret this later and we are glad that we made that choice.

However I started having pains after a week, which they said was probably an infection, and by the time they realised I was having contractions I was fully dilated and there was nothing they could do.

I was back down on delivery suite again and hit with the realisation that this was it. My baby was on its way, at twenty three and a half weeks and no real chance of survival. They struggled to get the stitch out and called the consultant in to assist. I was in agony and screaming things like “please someone help us; what did we do to deserve this”, when I felt a whoosh and realised the stitch was out and my waters had gone immediately. They said to push and immediately Kelsey Marie was born and rushed away to the paediatrician. This was on the 27th July at 5.05.pm. They were trying to sort me out when he came back in and said she had a heartbeat and did we want to put her on life support. What else can you say in this situation – of course we said yes, but I remember the paediatrician shaking his head when he left as if to say the was no hope.

I asked the midwife whether the baby was a boy or a girl and when she said a girl I wept even more. I had always secretly wished for a girl and I knew my parents dearly wished to have granddaughter after four grandsons. If the baby had been a boy no one would have grieved any less. But it hurt so much at the time. They said we must go soon to the neonatal unit, as Kelsey was not doing so well. Rick made the heart breaking phone call to my Mum and brother to bring Mitchell to the hospital as soon as possible.

The nurse said that the littlest person in the room was calling the shots. Our beautiful baby daughter Kelsey Marie was on 100% oxygen but she was deteriorating rapidly so we took her off the machines. They said skin to skin contact was best so we laid her on my chest and she passed away a few minutes later. She was alive for two and a half hours in total but I don’t know where the time went. The nurse dressed her as she was so small and fragile and bruised from the birth. I felt I might hurt her. (She weighed 1lb 5 oz – a good weight they said.) My mum and brother arrived and mum gave me hug and I said, “I did it, I gave you a granddaughter.” We wept together.

We spent a short time as a family and introduced Mitchell to his baby sister and told him she had died. He was only two and a half years old but he took a great interest in her and watched whilst the did her hand and footprints. We have a family photo of all four of us, and Mitchell gazing down at Kelsey as he said “Oh look,” with such amazement and love. We are so glad we took the advice of the nurse to involve him. We have photos of her in an album, and the family photo framed in the lounge and a rose tree in memory of her. We talk about her a lot and had we not involved him, we could not have done this.

Three weeks later we had a funeral service for Kelsey with all our family and friends around. We played a song by Shania Twain called ‘From this Moment On’ and the lyrics are so meaningful and poignant. It’s not until a baby dies that you realise the effect children have on so many people around you.

We are now six and a half months on and the pain is not so raw. The first six weeks were horrendous and I seemed to cry constantly. Although I had to get out and about for my son’s sake, I still cry often thinking about her and what happened, and sometimes I weep just as much as when she first died. Kelsey will forever be in our thoughts, hearts and minds. I miss her so badly.

Karen