Shared experiences

Very many thanks to all the parents, siblings, families and friends, who have allowed us to share their experiences on this site.

Katie – born Feb 2001

I found out I was pregnant 4 days after Andrew had asked me to marry him! We were both thrilled although it seemed to be doing everything at once! We got married some four months later on and then moved into our new home.

I gave up work 8 weeks before she was due (we were always sure she was a girl and Andrew gave her the name Katie quite early on) and spent the time resting in between getting the nursery ready etc. The pregnancy was uncomplicated and we just waited for her to come. The due date came but no sign of labour. Two mornings later I was concerned that I had not felt any movement for a while - during the previous night had felt a single sharp pain in my side and found myself thinking the seemingly ridiculous though that she could be dead. All through that day and the next night that feeling kept returning even though I thought I had felt movements. In the end I rang the midwives number at 4.00am to ask someone to come and see me in the morning, then I sat and read the chapter on stillbirth in my pregnancy book. What actually happened was that I went to them in the morning – neither of the two midwives who tried could find the baby’s heartbeat so they sent me up to the hospital. Andrew met me there and the worst was confirmed with a scan – Katie’s heart had stopped beating.

We stayed at the hospital and chose for me to be induced that evening. I think we both hoped that maybe they were wrong and she would still live. Katie was born that night after a very quick and relatively straightforward labour (3½ hours in total!) and for a while I felt exhilarated (the morphine might have had something to do with it). I held her then and all was well. The midwife brought her back to us after they had taken photos and footprints for us and we had her with us all night. She looked pretty bad and it was difficult to imagine how she might have been if alive. I think we could both see that she had been very poorly although we did not discuss it at the time.

The funeral followed the post mortem and friends and family gathered round to say goodbye to Katie. She is buried in our village churchyard, ten minutes walk away which has been a great blessing.

We were told six weeks later that Katie had Down Syndrome and that was why she had died. It took a while for this to sink in – I don’t know what horrors we had imagined, that somehow we might have done something ‘wrong’. We both would rather she had lived and we know we would have coped but I am glad for her that she died in peace and safety, I know she is with God now, sometimes I wish I was with her but there is much to live for here on earth. For the short time she was with us we gave her all our love and she in turn brought us much joy. She has been a huge influence on us and our family and friends and I know she is working hard praying for us now!

Since then I have miscarried another baby. I was very angry about this and seemed to find it much harder to cope with. I found a Christian counsellor and with her help, and that of Andrew and my mum, I was able to talk through the violent feelings I had.

In May 2002, Matthew was born, he also has Down Syndrome (the random sort again!) but, unlike Katie, is extremely healthy. His first year has been a voyage of discovery for all of us but he is progressing really well and is a joy to be with – his smile lightens the gloomiest day!

Anne

May 2004, Anne adds:
We have just had another son, Joseph, who does not have Down Syndrome! The pregnancy was still nerve racking but I was distracted by Matthew, so it seemed to go more quickly although I was still induced at term.