On 25th April 2015 I got the news that my beautiful little man had passed away, I had just froze and my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest as this was a hard time for me already with only just losing my Grandad to Cancer On 11th April 2015. To lose my beautiful son two weeks later was the hardest thing I have ever had to face.
Two days later we had to go back up the hospital for our son to be born sleeping. This was also a hard day as this was the day of my Grandad's funeral so on 27th April I went to say goodbye to my Grandad and then after his funeral I went up the hospital to say hello and a goodbye to my beautiful little man.
The hardest thing out of all of this was having to leave him behind at the hospital. No parent should ever have to do that to their kids, it is the most heart-breaking thing in this world. After a few days of leaving my little man behind I got really ill myself, I was blaming myself for what happened. I shut myself out of the world and spent a couple of months not really seeing my family as I didn't want them to see me in the mess that I was in. I wasn't eating or drinking water, I was only drinking beer and I was smoking a lot, after a while I woke up one morning looked at myself and knew I couldn't carry on the way I was. If anything I wanted to make my Grandad and son proud of me, I still miss my little man everyday and will never forget him.
Two Years on and now I have a good career behind me, I have got my driving license, I try to do what I can to help raise money and awareness for Sands.
I just have one small bit of advice for any father out there that has lost a child,, don't keep it inside, tell someone how you feel because, trust me, it doesn't make anything better keeping it inside. If it could be possible I would be more than happy to speak to any father that just needs advice or just a chat but please don't keep it bottled up, say how you feel to anyone.
Just a poem that I read at my little man's funeral:
They say there was a reason, they say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason will change the way I feel,
For no one knows how many times we have broken down and cried
We want to tell you something so there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of but so hard to be without.