When you are ready to think about going back to work, you need to contact your employer, if you haven’t done so already, to discuss the practical details. You could also send them a copy of the Sands leaflet Information for employers: Helping a bereaved parent return to work. You can order this from the Sands shop.

You may want to ask if you can go back to work gradually, starting with fewer hours or only a few days a week. Employers have a legal obligation to consider properly any request you make for part-time hours, though they don’t have to agree. You could also ask if you can do some work from home, if this is an option for your job.

Once you have agreed a date when you will go back to work, you may find  it helpful to talk to your manager about how you are feeling and what might help you settle back in. You could also visit your workplace and have a coffee with your colleagues before you go back. Before you visit or return to work, you might like to write a letter or email to your manager or colleagues about your baby. This may be easier than repeating your story to many different people later. Unless they have experienced the death of a baby themselves, most people will have no idea of how you feel. They are unlikely to realise the impact that the death of your baby has had on you and on your family.

You may want to tell them your baby’s name (if you decided to name your baby), why he or she died (if you know this), and how you and your family are feeling and coping. It may also be helpful to tell them whether you want to talk about your baby. Colleagues may feel unsure whether to mention him or her unless you “give them permission”. They may worry about upsetting you.

“I was really worried about going to back to work and how my colleagues would react to me. I worried that I would break down in floods of tears if I had to tell them face-toface about what had happened to my baby. So I decided to write to them first. I amsure it helped to make things a little easier when I went back.” Mother

If you feel unable to write a letter or email yourself, you could ask someone to write it for you. Tell them what you would like to say and whom to send it to.

                                                Being back at work