Your baby may have died several years, or even decades, ago. Sands is here to offer support and help whenever your baby died.

We receive letters from people whose baby died as many as thirty or forty years ago. There are those parents too, whose baby died more recently, perhaps ten or five years ago but who still grieve nevertheless.

Grief is not a finite emotion. It comes in waves. Sometimes you can go for months without feeling any intense grief over your baby. Life can seem normal, then suddenly one day a trigger could bring you back to feelings so vivid, it's as if your baby died yesterday.

Before Sands was set up, hospitals did not encourage parents to bury their own baby, let alone see their baby. For many such parents the following years have brought regrets, even guilt. At Sands, we have had several accounts of parents who despite being long-ago bereaved, have nevertheless managed to track down the burial places of their dead children through hospital and crematoria records. (At the bottom of this page are links to two documents which can guide you through this process.)

Thankfully attitudes and professional practise have changed and improved enormously over the years. There is still a tendency, however, for friends and family to assume that as the years pass, you have in some way 'got over' the death of your baby and moved on. It can be hard for some parents to feel that they can still mention their baby's name, remind friends of their birthday or the day they died.

In the Personal experiences section of the website you will find the stories of parents who are long-ago bereaved. You can also go to memorials and remembering for ways of commemorating your baby's life throughout your own life.

Tracing a baby's grave gives details on how to go about finding out where your baby was buried.

Obtaining a certificate gives information on getting a certificate for your baby's birth and death, or their stillbirth from the registrar.