It is really helpful if you can make links with the local hospitals in your area. Not only will this be a vital way of ensuring that parents are given details of your group but it can also enable you to have an input to the way parents are cared for in those early hours and days.

Hospitals will often have a designated Bereavement Support Coordinator but if not then the Head of Midwifery is a good first point of contact.

There are several ways in which you can be involved:

• Providing leaflets about the group which can be given to bereaved parents and other leaflets or books produced by Sands
• Supplying memory cards, packs or boxes
• Providing a camera so parents may take photos as they wish.
• Supplying other resources such as moses baskets, wraps and small baby clothes
• Helping create a bereavement room where parents can more comfortably have time together with their baby
• Attend meetings of the bereavement team or maternity services liaison committee.
• Present a talk to midwives and other hospital staff about your experience and the work of Sands.
• Be involved in the hospital's remembrance services or creation of a baby garden

Working with hospitals in Northern Ireland

This is an area that the Northern Ireland Network has been developing over this past few years.  We visit each of the ten maternity units during awareness month spending 2-3 hours.  Each visit is tailored to meet the needs of that particular hospital.  For some they will have a formal session with a talk on the work of Sands, given with the aid of power point, for others it may be an informal chat with one or two people at a time. Whatever the case we always start with a parent sharing their story.  Sands packs are left and also the magazine.  We take a specific topic and structure our talk around it, ie: new literature, new guidelines, future pregnancies etc. 

These visits for us are made possible by our close association with the Area Bereavement Co-ordinators who work in each of the 5 trusts.  They help us organise these visits and accompany us, their interest and help in this matter is invaluable.  We have now built upon these visits and have a close working relationship with each unit and plan to continue these visits each June.

Over the past few years Julia Gray, South East London Sands, has spoken to many health professionals including student midwives, sonographers, health visitors and obstetricians. She offers her experience:

One of the most important things to remember is that health professionals really want to hear what you have to say. Your contribution to their training is much more interesting to many of them than what they hear from their colleagues and tutors.

I have followed a similar pattern for most of my talks, both formal and informal, and have on occasions involved other bereaved parents to give an alternative perspective.

Below are some general points I have picked up about giving formal and informal talks, followed by an outline of the content of talks I give.

Firstly, find out the length of presentation. Plan how long to spend on each bit so you don't run out of time before you have covered everything you want to say. Have handouts prepared to give those attending, but keep them to the end or they will be read while you are talking.

Resources to take (many of these are available on this website):

• Your own handouts about the content of your talk
• Sands support leaflets
• Sands Guidelines for Professionals
• Summary of the main Principles of Good Practice, taken from SANDS Guidelines
• Sands publications order form
• Statistics
• Web addresses and contact numbers (including local and UK SANDS)

Formal talks - as part of a study day.

Find out who the other speakers are and how your contribution fits into the theme of the day.

Sometimes you might be expected to use such tools as powerpoint, overheads, audio tapes or videos. I was completely ignorant about this when I started out but hospital staff have always been more than willing to help.

Informal talks

If I am addressing student midwives or other trainees, I tend to start with the same introduction and then say that if at any time they want to interrupt with a question that is fine. I also prepare them for the emotional content because it could well be that someone there has a personal experience of baby loss.

Ask them to recount situations where they have felt uncomfortable or anxious and what could help them cope better in the future.

General points about giving talks

1. Introduce yourself.
   Explain your association with Sands and give a brief account of the work it does. (click here to see the Web Page summarising Sands work).
   
   
2. Your story.
   Recounting your own experience can be very painful. Be prepared for this. It is however, a very powerful way of communicating the trauma of stillbirth (in my own story this exemplified how NOT to manage a stillbirth).
   
   
3. Someone else's story.
   I asked two women if they would mind me taping them talking through their experiences (one of these exemplified a very positive example of management by the hospital staff).
   
   
4. The experience for Dads
   Dads so often cope with all the practical stuff and get forgotten by the staff.
   
   
5. Feelings
   Highlight some of the feelings common to all bereaved parents
   e.g. guilt, anger, loss of identity.
   
   
6. Talk about ways that health professionals can help
   We all remember the terrible inappropriate things that are said and done, but the helpful sensitive moments too are imprinted in our memories.
   Health Professionals' feelings of inadequacy at this time can be very strong, especially if they are inexperienced. Some just don't know what to do or say and want to hear what they can do.
   
   
7. Questions and Answer sessions
   You may be asked to participate in a question and answer session after your talk.
   
   Bear in mind that the health professionals are there because they genuinely want to improve care for us