A memorial service can be a real source of comfort to families, including those whose babies died many years ago. Having a focus where they can remember and acknowledge their baby or babies can be very important.

Below is an outline of how to plan a service, written by Ann McMurray who is involved in Glasgow Sands and the Scottish Network Convenor.

Organising a Service of Remembrance

First nominate members of group to form a sub committee.

Next make contact with hospital chaplain/s and head of midwifery to involve staff member/s. If involved with more than one hospital it is good to try and have a representative from each hospital. This is another positive way of forging good links with hospital staff and clergy.

Arrange a meeting to brainstorm where and when service to be held, also discuss a theme or focus for service e.g. Hope, Peace, Light.

Once a theme has been decided you can then choose readings and hymns which are appropriate for this. Add extra touches to carry focus throughout service, for example if 'Light' is chosen, then candles can be given out before start of service and lit at an appropriate moment during service. Having such a focus means it is easier to structure each part of the service.

It is very important to include a testimony from a parent, or family member who has been affected by the death of a baby. Including a personal testimony allows others who attend the service to realise they are not alone and what they are feeling is 'normal' especially for those who were bereaved long ago, they are given the opportunity to grieve and begin to talk about what happened to them.

We also found by including a testimony from a Health Professional, that parent's realised their baby was treated with dignity and respect and the death of their baby was acknowledged. This can alleviate some of the fear parents have about what happened to their baby once he/she was taken away, especially for post mortem.

You then need to think about how to fund cost of service.

Involve everyone on sub committee; ask Funeral Directors if they are willing to contribute towards cost of printing order of service, and Florists to donate flowers.

Sometimes the flower committee of church will make flower arrangements without any charge or perhaps use some flower arrangements that have been made for another occasion prior to service.

Some churches charge for use of premises and also organist may charge a fee; if you are able to make contact and explain what the service is about these fees can sometimes be reduced or even free.

It may also be worth while to find out about cost of recording the service (audio) and then getting it copied. This can then be sold, (although we just charge for cost only) but some groups may wish to add a bit extra to boost their funds.

Last but not least hospitality: depending on venue there may be somewhere within the venue to provide tea and coffee. If not there may be premises near by that people could walk to after service. With regard to cost of this it is an idea to ask companies to supply or at least give a discount.

I hope these points are useful, and give a basic structure to start with. I felt it is probably not so helpful to say exactly how we organised our services but just to offer a starting point and some ideas.

We hold our service bi annually as we want to offer a slightly different focus each time and if we were to hold it every year, it would be more difficult to achieve that goal.

Glasgow Sands